Archive of the original posts on r/mansformation.
I discovered r/mansformation in 2014 when I just getting into self-improvement and becoming a "better" person. Despite its Red Pill-adjacent teachings, it had a lot of useful information for me at the time: I became better at conversations, started setting goals in my life, changed who I was for the better. I owe a lot of that to u/Fred_Flintstone, even if I may have eventually found it in other places.
Him linking lukeprog's The Science of Winning at Life was also how I first discovered LessWrong. I looked around the website and thought "wow, these are a bunch of weirdos!". Look at me now...
In 2021, the subreddit was taken over per the RedditRequest rules and became a hub for pickup slop. I'm concerned that the original posts will get deleted, so I'm documenting them here for posterity and in hopes that someone else will take away something positive like I did.
As a disclaimer and to distance myself, I do not currently nor have I ever subscribed to The Red Pill philosophy as a whole. That said, I do believe TRP's self-improvement ideas and takes are strong and worth following.
Fred, if you're out there, please hit me up.
I took a handful of liberties when copying the original Reddit posts that I think make things cleaner and more succinct. I'm confident that the changes I made do not affect the content.
Any typos or grammatical mistakes should be taken with a [sic] after them.
Women are attracted to Alpha Males. It is the same in nature as it is for humans - we have evolved to praise the leader of the group and offer them the first choice on mates. It is an evolutionarily efficient strategy for spreading the best genes, and this system of attraction is not going to change any time soon as it is programmed into our brains.
An alpha male is confident, successful, interesting. Other people look up to or are jealous of him.
To succeed you can't avoid being an alpha male. Some beta males will go out with (or even marry) good women and do well for themselves, but often the woman will, in time, lose attraction to the man if she senses they are needy or unsuccessful in any way. She may be in love with the man but not attracted to him - love and attraction are independent.
Men are attracted to good-looking women. When judging women, men will usually agree on who is the most attractive. It is instinctively built into our ranking system. We value women almost entirely on appearance. We use a man's partner as some sort of measuring gauge to the accomplishments of the man - "he must be pretty successful to have a swimsuit model wife".
It works differently for women. Women are attracted to alpha-male characteristics.
Usually with a fair bit of work and some make up a woman can change her 'rating' from a 6/10 to a 8/10, or an 8/10 to 9/10 maybe. You would probably only get major changes in rating if she lost/gained a lot of weight, previously had acne, cut off her arms, etc.
A man, on the other hand, can change his rating FAR more without even altering his appearance. By alternating between 'boring' and 'confident & interesting', a man could change between a 5/10 to an 8/10 throughout one night. By changing the way you dress and fixing your body language you could go from averaging a 6/10 to a 9/10 just with a little knowledge (and a large boost in confidence - which can time).
When women judge men, they often will disagree on which men are attractive. Some will fall head over heels for a guy who others find repulsive. Women talk to each other about guys in order to know what the social status of some guys are. If a woman is not interested in a guy then hears all of her friends fancy him, then she will almost certainly reconsider and see the attractive side of him. (In the opposite scenario the guy who was told a girl is hot will likely still think she is fugly).
To attract a woman (or anyone, for that case) you need to demonstrate that you are higher value (DHV) than them. Mostly this means to avoid looking/sucking up to them but the details are discussed further down. Ugly male celebrities are swarmed by attractive women because of their social status.
I was always brought up to be what I thought was 'nice', which actually made me a pushover for several years in school. I thought 'nice' included offering to help people who I knew would not offer anything in return. There is a big difference between helping people without expecting anything in return, and helping people KNOWING that they will not give you anything in return. I will still help an old lady cross the road, and I will carry somebody's suitcase up a flight of stairs in a train station if they need a hand and I am heading that direction. BUT I no longer will spend time helping somebody who is out for personal gain and would not do the same for me, even if they are a 'friend'. (Live by the Tit-for-Tat algorithm)
By being 'nice' to a woman (e.g. buying her a drink) you are showing that you want something off her, which immediately makes her have control over you, and she will lose any ounce of attraction to you which she originally had as you have demonstrated lower value to her. By hiding your interest in a woman (particularly one who is used to having guys bend over backwards for her) it will make a woman respect you more, and often try to gain your full attention (if you give her your full attention without demonstrating higher value and making her attracted to you, then she has "win", will lose interest and move on)
The reason some loud assholes are respected by their peers or admired by women is that they are indifferent to what people think of them. By not caring what people think of them they are showing that they are confident in themselves and who they are, while simultaneously letting everyone else around them know it too (usually very loudly). It demonstrates higher value to everyone around them. This is an extremely attractive quality.
So a big secret to success is not caring what others think about you - avoid searching for their approval/disapproval of your actions. Unfortunately, caring what people think about you helps to make somebody a good person who values relationships - and not caring is frequently what makes many people ignorant dicks who think that they are always right. So what to do? It's difficult. Avoid doubting yourself out loud, but don't refrain from talking to people in private for advice.
An alpha male is one of the leaders of a group. When people respect you and look up to you they will come to you for guidance or help. People will expect things from you which they would not expect from a beta male, and if you do not live up to expectations then other males will question you or contend for the title; just like when a wolf shows weakness the second strongest male wolf in the pack will fight for the right to be the leader.
You need to avoid showing weakness, as consciously and subconsciously people are looking out for it at all times. As a High Value individual in the room you will draw attention to yourself. Girls want to know if you are the real deal before they risk possible embarrassment by showing attraction towards you in front of their friends. Guys are either jealous beta males desperate to find a way in which they are better than you (even if it is trivial e.g. "oh, he looked a bit awkward then - he isn't that cool") OR they are other alpha males contending with you (sometimes called AMOGs for "alpha-male other-guy").
Showing weakness can mean showing submissive body language, giving in to somebody else, not fighting back when given a verbal attack or falling for a girl's "shit test".
Basically you have to learn when to defend yourself. Most of the time when you are talking to strangers the guys will be cool with you and not really challenge you unless you are overstepping into their territory (meaning hitting on their women). You just need to be interesting and have a valuable conversation with the guys in order to win them over.
Girls have things called "shit tests". They try to test you in clever ways to see whether you are dominant or submissive. You need to be able to recognise a shit test and act accordingly. One of the most frequent examples is a girl deliberately being late to see if you call her out on it. If she doesn't apologise well or have have reason then it was a shit test. You should react by making sure you are busy doing something when she turns up and making her wait for you to finish it.
It makes sense after a while. I've mentioned evolution a few times already - this is an evolutionarily efficient system of spreading the best genes from the best males.
Confidence is an effective predictor of a man's value. Beta males rarely have the confidence to do some of the things alpha males do, so women have become attracted to confidence. However, confidence can be faked (faking is used a lot in nature - one example is hover flies evolving to look like wasps to scare everything away). To combat this faked confidence a woman will perform some discrete tests on a man to see if he really is what she expects him to be (shit tests). She will also challenge him and want to find out more about him to know whether or not he is high value.
If a man walks the walk and talks the talk of a successful man but is manipulated or controlled by the woman in any way (usually by doing things in desire of sex) then he failed the test and is NOT the high value alpha male she had been testing him for. An alpha male will not be manipulated by sex. Sex is something he offers the woman if she is lucky, and he doesn't need to fulfil a woman's commands for it - he can get it from other women if he so wishes.
One of the most influential books in my life is "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida. A lot of things in this post are based off this book.
If a woman suggests something that changes a man's perspective, then he should make a new decision based on his new perspective. But he should never betray his own deepest knowledge and intuition in order to please his woman or "go along" with her. Both she and he will be weakened by such an action. They will grow to resent each other, and the crust of accumulated inauthenticity will burden their love, as well as their capacity for free action.
The woman will be happy in the short term that she has had control over her man. BUT this is not what she truly desires. She wants a man that is a dominant alpha male that will not give in to her. However, if she says something which is true then it is a beta male characteristic to stubbornly deny that you are wrong, even when you know you are, just to save face. If you are wrong frequently then this is also bad - people will eventually doubt everything you say, and be less interested in what you have to say.
Some people live to love their wife. While romantic (and though it sometimes works out very well for both individuals) this is usually not what the woman truly wants.
A woman wants a man who has a mission in life, and is passionate about it. She thinks she wants to be his #1, but actually if this were to happen then she would lose respect (and therefore attraction) in him.
When already in a relationship: A woman will be more fulfilled by your love if you spend 30 minutes of undivided attention with her than if you were to spend 3 hours of divided attention.
There are numerous studies coming out at the moment showing that multitasking greatly reduces the efficiency of humans. To succeed in life try and focus on things individually, rather than spreading your attention
If a man puts off his destiny for the sake of his family then it weakens his soul. The woman will lose trust and sexual polarity with him. The family may overall make a gain because of his sacrifice initially, but if he cannot reignite his burning desire then the couple will soon turn unhappy and the whole family suffers.
A woman is attracted to a man who keeps his word, says what he means, and will remain unmoved by external forces.
From my prior post I mentioned "shit tests" which women performed at the early stages of a relationship, to see whether a man is really truly high value. Expect these tests to never end. The most tests will occur with a high value woman in a relationship to a man who is of a near equal value or who has recently lowered his value. This means that you can expect more tests and challenges from the woman when you are at your lowest and least feel like having to deal with it; as she will also feel less secure about you and need to remind herself of how great you truly are. She will fire your life to higher plateaus of 'high' at the expense of forcing it to deeper valleys of 'low'. Man up!
Tests come in the form of: challenging what you says or do, frequently changing her mind or flaking to see if she is called out on it, doubting you out loud, or attempting to undermine your ultimate purpose in life.
When this happens you need to demonstrate that you are high value still. We she challenges you, do not give in, laugh off her pathetic attempt at a challenge. When she starts being erratic and changing her mind tell her to stop. If you are at a low point then do not let your emotions control your actions ever. This is an unattractive trait for a man to have.
Remain confident in yourself. Remind yourself that you can escape whatever small slip-up you are currently experiencing. You need to believe this yourself as no matter what you tell your partner she will see whether you believe it yourself. Don't become down and never feel self-pity. Fix your problem and get out of the rut as soon as possible; there is no reason to dwell there.
There is a spectrum: At the male end of this spectrum comes logic, and at the feminine end there is emotion. Women think through emotions more, whereas we think slightly more logically (I recommend that you never tell a woman this, as she will just get ... emotional!). When a woman says something like "I wish you were dead!" she does not actually mean it - it is her emotional response. If a man were to say that then you would have cause to worry (although that exact line is a beta male phrase). Imagine a wife telling her husband off for throwing his daughter up in the air and catching her - the man sees the logical side and believes he is doing no wrong (probability of dropping daughter = 0.5%, fun of one throw = 30. fun of daughter dropped and crying = -300. Therefore this is a good action on average) and the wife's maternal instincts can only think of the emotions of the daughter getting hurt.
As a man you should not let your emotions control your actions, ever. Do not do anything out of anger, or sadness. It is a feminine trait. Control your emotions.
Talking about your emotions can be healthy, but avoid doing it all the time. If you are feeling down because something is wrong then say how you are going to resolve this issue, because you are a man in control of his life. e.g. Say something like "I regret getting fired from my job. Well, I'm going to go get another job tomorrow".
Don't think this section is telling you to hide your emotions. A positive cloud of energy should follow you where you go. Be the most fun and happiest person wherever you go.
A huge step in the direction to living a rich and successful life. It sounds obvious and everyone thinks or says that they are passionate about anything, but they rarely are. I cant really sum it up better than the author of this blog does; so I suggest you read this post;
http://www.kinowear.com/blog/why-passion-is-so-attractive/
I can recall times when I have spoken passionately about things and it really does draw attraction to you like a magnet. I suggest writing down a list of things that really grip your attention and get an emotion out of you. One example I used the other day was the movie "Funny Games". Its an alternative style horror flick which avoids all horror film clichés. It constantly teases the audience and has one fantastic 11 minute scene. I spoke about what I was feeling throughout the scene passionately to a girl, and she melted.
"So, it is critical that I be passionate, but at the same time I need to be an 'alpha male' by avoiding being emotional? Sounds like those two things contradict each other..."
(Before reading the next line think about this quote. Is everything said correct? Do they contradict?)
Passion and alpha-ness can coexist. Recall from "BaHVM #2" that an alpha male does not let emotions control his actions. He may still show emotions. They should pretty much always be positive/passionate when attracting, or neutral/indifferent when somebody is being a dick / testing them. It took me a long time to realise what has been said in this paragraph. It sums up being a high value male very well. Let it be your lesson of the day.
How do you convey passion without breaking the "be concise" guideline?
Be concise to show you are high value and interesting. THEN be passionate when they already want to get to know you as you have established yourself. Avoid being passionate to somebody that doesn't already look up to you - it may make you look needy or desperate for attention. Your passion can be used as a prize; women love to work to make you open up.
Being concise is useful for offering very high value conversation - you say a very small amount of interesting information and then the person talking to you opens up and talks about it, or questions you further. It makes them more likely to be initiated and into the conversation. It is especially important when you are first meeting somebody. You want the other person to be contributing to the conversation as much as possible (to make them want to talk to you (people love talking and don't like listening), and also avoid making it look like you are trying to impress them or get their attention), so say as little as possible and give them topics to say as much as possible - i.e. be concise. This high-value conversation makes you appear as a high-value individual to the other person.
Once you establish yourself as a high-value individual, that is the time it is safest to open up and unleash your passions upon them. I would suggest that you avoid being passionate with somebody unless you know that they look up to you. You can be high-value to somebody without having spoken to them remember - If you have social status (everyone has seen you / knows you, you look cool, people talk about you) you can be passionate to somebody almost immediately.
Girls go crazy when they see you be passionate. It is sometimes great if you make the other person have to "earn" the right to hear your passions. Open up about your dreams and such after the other person has contributed something interesting about themselves (or you can do it after kissing or having sex). They will escalate to a new plane of loving you and wanting to know more about you. This makes you a mysterious dark horse that can only be "tamed" (or opened up) by their love and affection.
Even if you are young and don't know where you are really going yet, have some general aims for where you are heading. It says bad things about a man if you ask him what he wants to do with his life and he does not know (although if you are still in school or college it is sort of understandable/accepted).
Your goal may be career related or not career related. Some people live to travel to every corner of the Earth and see everything they can. Some people dream of being teachers. Others want to be the best middle heavyweight Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu fighter in the Northern Hemisphere.
There are many advantages to knowing your life goal. It works great for conversations (especially if you are young and want to stand out compared to everyone else):
My dream is to be in the position to form a tech startup by the time I am 30-35. I will need 10 years experience in the field I estimate before I will be in a good position to go it alone and form a company. It is my dream to have complete control over my own technology and build my own successful business. There are a few different fields I have options between at the moment.
Figure out your life goal, then tell people about it passionately when the opportunity arises (I've not told you my dream passionately for the sake of being concise (I could go on all day about it)). Girls will swoon over a man that knows what he is doing with his life, especially since he is passionate about it. Ask people what they want to do with their life; if they don't know then maybe try and help them figure it out and you have demonstrated immense value to them. If they do know what they want to be then you just have to listen to them for an incredible conversation starter. Cut through the bullshit and straight to their core and what they really like to talk about.
If you want to be a High Value man then the words you speak should be high value. People should all want to listen to what you say when you start talking, and give you their utmost attention. Girls will notice when everyone is paying attention to you and will be more attracted to you.
tl;dr: There is a spectrum of masculine and feminine ways of thought. Women think more in terms of emotions, so to persuade them you need to empathise with their emotions more rather than bombard them with logical arguments. When a woman is arguing with you stand your ground if you believe you are right and never give in for the sake of making the argument go away. Do not act emotionally in an argument as it is a beta male trait - remain unmoved. Pay full attention to your woman when she is arguing with/at you and wait for her to finish and leave.
Men and women are just different when it comes to some things. Neither way is right or wrong - if while writing this I am at all patronising to the sexier sex then it is unintentional or merely playful (what is life but an iteration of jokes?). Some generalisations are made.
To please both, men and women should be treated equally, but differently (this is difficult and the cause of many problems in the world).
This way of presenting the male and female minds as a spectrum was first presented to me in "The Way of the Superior Man". Its is a simplification, but a nice way of representing the way men and women think. It makes great conversation. Talk to a girl and ask where they think they are on the spectrum, and what they want in a man, etc.
Said in the most basic way possible; On the left-hand masculine end of the spectrum is logic, and on the right-hand-side feminine end there is emotion. A very masculine man (an alpha male) will have a mind which is very far towards the left-hand masculine side. His actions are declared by logic and reason. A very feminine woman will be at the far right hand side, and her emotions will govern nearly every action she takes or word she says.
To find what kind of long-term partner you are best suited to place a mirror in the middle of the spectrum, and see where the point you are is reflected to. e.g. A very masculine man is well suited to a very feminine woman (she will thrive off his stability and strength and not settle for any less. Because of her strong emotions she will show strong physical and emotional love to the man; which is what he wants. Sometimes the man lets his emotions out and they break up spectacularly, then later have passionate sex as they are both so physically attracted to the other). A fairly feminine man is well suited to a fairly masculine woman (they will be more similar to each other than the polar opposite man and woman. A slightly masculine woman will be more logical and not cause as much stress on the man. The feminine man will be able to relate to the girl in ways a more masculine man wouldn't, creating a stronger emotional bond at the expense of possibly losing some physical attraction.). A very dominant woman who is more in the masculine end of the spectrum than the feminine side is likely to pair well with a very feminine man.
Often when somebody is friend-zoned it is because they are a male close to the centre of the spectrum (which also makes them somewhat of a beta-male), and they are after a very feminine woman who is not anywhere near their reflection. These men are better suited to slightly more masculine women who are not as emotionally needy and more logical.
By now you may have a couple concerns. "I kind of wouldn't mind marrying a logical woman, but you are telling me to be an alpha male at the far left of the spectrum - which would be incompatible", I hear you logically reason. Well, I aspire to be an alpha male to attract women as I am at the point in my life where I wish to experience many passionate short term relationships. I am not yet at the stage to want to meet the girl I want to marry. When I wish to get married I will have the ability to move my position on the spectrum from the far left to somewhere closer to the centre - wherever I feel I naturally belong at that time in my life.
Remember: This spectrum is for measuring the successfulness of relationships. A masculine man will generally always be more attractive, just as a feminine woman is to us (as she will be more passionate and loving, which is what we desire).
Us men are usually repulsed or terrified of a woman who has suddenly become very emotional. In such a case they will say things they do not mean, or behave irrationally. Things they do might be illogical.
A complaint about a certain thing from a woman can usually be about something entirely different. E.g. "Why are you spending so much time on reddit when you still don't have a job?" - You could have 4 job interviews the next day and be totally prepared for them. The worst reply to this is: "I'm only on here for an hour or two". A slightly better (but maybe still bad) reply might be "What?! I've got 4 interviews tomorrow!" - purely logical replies are worthless if she is fighting emotionally. A good reply would be cutting through her question and demonstrating that you know what she is actually saying (women love this) and also emotionally reassuring her: "I know you feel insecure about the job situation. I'm ready for the interviews tomorrow and pretty confident that I got a good shot. I'm just relaxing a bit right now". Her complaint about the job might not be about your current financial situation - it may be that she is worried that you are becoming lazy and unambitious - which are unattractive qualities. As well as reading reddit you could have a couple tabs open on "how to ace interviews" or something else vaguely productive towards your life mission.
Men base their opinions of others on their track record. A man who cheats and lies all the time with be untrusted by other men. A good man who became a dick for a day will still be a good man, but temporarily treated with caution.
Women typically live in the moment - A saint of 30 years who says one mean thing to a woman will be treated as if he has been a douche all his life. A serial liar and cheat who unexpectedly brings flowers will be rewarded like a white knight. Women can be surprisingly forgiving when in a good mood, and surprisingly unforgiving in a bad mood.
To change a woman's mind: you need to control her emotions more than focus on logical arguments. I'll have a whole article on persuasion at some point.
tl;dr: When you reward somebody it should never be expected, as there is less enjoyment from it. Scientific reasons to be spontaneous. Avoid rewarding somebody for something they have not done yet if you do not have an established relationship with them (e.g. don't buy a girl a drink at a bar).
Graphics have been taken from this blog entry: http://scienceblogs.com/neurotopia/2010/06/dopamine_and_reward_prediction.php
Though I think they ripped the images out of http://dx.doi.org/10.1126/science.275.5306.1593
In the next graph the dopamine (chemical in your brain for happiness) levels in a patient are shown as black lines. The horizontal axis is time. At a certain time the patient receives a reward (shown by a vertical line labelled R). After this reward is given the patient has more dopamine (look at that thick black 'bump' of dopamine response)
Now in another patient they have been trained to expect a reward when they have a chemical stimulus (CS). E.g. they are given the smell of baked cookies, and know that they are going to get cookies, so get excited. By the time the cookies arrived they were already expecting them so didn't get much of a dopamine response. The graph shows a spike of dopamine when the patient smells the cookies (CS) but none when they receive them (R).
Now when the patient expects cookies but receives none they will be sad (there is almost no dopamine at time=R, rather than normal levels)
(The cookies thing is made up - I don't know what chemical stimulus was given. Also these may not even be human patients - but the same principles apply).
What does this mean? When you reward somebody it should be unexpected. Don't buy your girlfriend a box of chocolates every time you visit her door. Don't have a "date night" with your wife every 2nd Thursday. Be spontaneous and reward unpredictably - "I've decided we are going out for dinner, get your coat". If it would be weird to not gift or reward somebody at some point (e.g. a birthday) then reward unusually - never get the same gift twice etc.
You shouldn't gift or reward somebody unless they have earnt it. Never reward somebody before they have done whatever it is you are rewarding them for. The textbook example is buying a girl a drink at a bar in the hopes of her sleeping with you. Rewarding somebody without receiving is a beta male trait.
This applies to a lot of things - You can reward somebody for opening themselves up to you by sharing something personal about yourself. Buying a drink for a girl is fine, if you get her to buy you one first.
It is good to say why you are rewarding somebody; otherwise they might think you are trying to earn their attention, and therefore lower value than them. "You gave a great back rub; I think I'll do the washing up." Of course in a long term relationship you are exchanging favours all the time - but it is easy for it to become one-sided with one person doing more. This ensures your partner will still be earning their affection for years to come.
Don't worry about making everything fair and equal. You don't have to justify all gifts. You may also end up contributing more than the other person - sometimes this happens (you should let them know). Just don't be the one giving everything as then you've lost it all.
One last note on gifts: Sex is never a gift that the woman gives you, the man. If you are meeting or seducing a nice lady then you should treat it as a gift that you are giving her, which she has to earn. Women love having to earn things and hate it when it is given to them. Like cats and mice, the fun is in the chase.
If you are in a long term relationship then sex should be treated as a mutual thing which is good for improving the love between both of you.
If you let sex become her gift to you then she has won, and you have both lost.
tl;dr: Dissecting conversations to the barebone foundations of what they truly are, in order to understand them. Interesting techniques for making a dull conversation into a high-value one are shown and exploited.
This is mostly about maintaining an interesting conversation, rather than starting one - which is almost a topic in itself.
Not everybody knows about these basics so I will mention them.
Scenario: Abby and Ben are chatting. There don't know each other too well but have some mutual friends.
Abby says "I went shopping for shoes in the mall"
Ben's main options are now:
Bad options:
You want to have high value conversations. This is when both people want to continue talking, as they are really interested in what is being said. You are more likely to have high value conversations with people that see you as high value - so read up on being a high value male if you haven't already.
The secret to a successful conversation is to get the other person opening up as much as possible. Hopefully you will do the minimum talking and they will tell themselves all about you, or display their knowledge on a topic.
So using the same scenario as above, if Ben chooses option (1) (ask her about shoe shopping):
Bad response questions:
Do you (or Ben) actually care about those things or are you trying to keep the conversation going?
Key point: Conversations aren't a game of trying to keep one going for as long as possible - this is boring. They are for learning as much about the other person as possible, or transmitting valuable information that is beneficial to both parties.
Good response questions:
Now try and look at these. They are all good, but can you improve on any?
Discussion on the above response questions:
Key points: Avoid yes/no questions or questions with single answers. Get the other person to describe emotions or opinions. Give your own opinions. Mix statements and questions for variation. Joking with somebody you don't know very well is fine and builds comfort very quickly.
Other points:
Examples:
Visit places. Read books. Say "yes" to experiences you would normally avoid. I have been on the worst holidays imaginable and been happy that they went wrong as they've left me with so much more to talk about. "Don't talk to me about icebergs...."
Ben may, instead of questioning Abby further, give a statement about an experience (Abby: "blahblahblah Brighton", Ben: "Brighton is cool. I once got stranded there at 1am and chased down an alley. Got away though; I think theives aren't as fast as they used to be."). If Ben had already demonstrated higher value than Abby then he has the option to talk about himself a bit more - as Abby will actually show interest and want to know more.
Usually the higher value you are the more statements you offer, and the less questions you ask. Asking questions is fine, but if you ask too many it can put some people off (he is just trying to get to know me because he wants a job/to sleep with me/he is lower value than me and wants something I have). Offering statements makes other people also put effort into the conversation to keep it going.
If you are trying to attract a girl you have not met before then maintaining a higher-value than her (in her eyes) is everything. When you become naturally confident and high value, through control of body language, self esteem, etc., people will want to talk to you and open up conversations with you, if they are aware of your presence. In such a case the best way of interacting is to offer concise, captivating statements. Let them talk and try to impress you. Only once the girl has contributed a lot about herself has she "earnt" your attention and you can start questioning her a little about herself. Girls want to have to earn your attention.
The biggest trick I'll mention. Its very good to tease - teasing somebody tests them and puts them in a position to show you their wit / reactions. It makes you look more confident that you aren't trying to please them. It is an easy way to joke with somebody. Usually people only tease/play games with others they are friendly with; so this can make you feel familiar to the other person. It is also a form of flirting, and everybody loves being flirted with to some extent.
Teasing works best on girls. Women love playing these games with men.
I only started doing this to the extent I do now about 6 months ago; and have noticed remarkable results since. Everybody now seems keen to come up and talk and is not shy to tease back. It is fun and light-hearted joking around.
Examples: "I have three cats" -> "a third of the way to crazy cat lady then? ;)". "I got a goldfish!!!" -> "I was wondering what I just ate". "Sorry I smashed your wine glass :(" -> "No problem! For my birthday can you throw a brick through my window? ;)"
Notice the ";)" - say this with a grin, or you may suffer them thinking you are serious. When you get better and know somebody well you can avoid it and just do it deadpan - which is more fun and leaves you unpredictable.
People with low self-esteem may not like this - its best used on other confident people.
If you apologised then it would be a negative interaction, but this way it became a playful joke. You may mess up worse and end up in an salvageable position where you can't redeem yourself - in which case apologise sincerely and leave.
Prepare a few witty opinions of it or a way into another conversation topic. Nobody seems to do this, but it is so simple and you can jump into talking about it from any conversation topic as it is automatically made relevant by the fact it is recent.
E.g. "Blah blah blah cats > dogs" -> "Yeah! Oh by the way I was just talking to X about it - did you see the story about that ship that exploded?"
Its not as good as transitioning the topic gradually - but good enough to go unnoticed. It can look like you don't care about the previous topic so only use it when the you both feel that topic is dying. Don't do it too many times as it appears you had a whole conversation planned word for word and its not spontaneous.
And go talk to other people or do something as soon as you leave. If there is nobody to talk to then call a friend you've not spoken to in a while, or go to the toilet.
Good news - you can make some significant progress right now just with a pen and paper. Think up some interesting topics which excite you or you feel passionate about. Ultimately a conversation topic is one which both you and the other person(s) are passionate about, so you can at least find topics in the first half of the Venn diagram right now.
To help you get started here are topics that appeal to me and I love to talk about:
tl;dr: Steps on how to get out of the friend zone. Also mentions the importance of being an alpha male for those directed here from outside Mansformation.
"Friend Zoning" is when a girl tells a guy who is interested in her that she would rather be friends. She is at this time not attracted to him, probably because he is a beta male.
There is no way around it; you need to learn how to be (or at least appear) High Value. Women are only attracted to you if you are higher value than them. Read the rest of this subreddit, particularly the Higher Value Male articles (link to the right -->).
It is arguably easier to make a fresh start with somebody else than change the mind of a female friend who has put you in the "friend zone". If you are after sex or a short term relationship then friendship is the worst place to start off. Some long term relationships start with friends, but it is still always better to start off as lovers. Many males try to start relationships from friendships as its the only way they know how (from school, often).
You are attracted (or "in love") with her because you think she is the best option you have, and you really want a relationship so your body is telling you that you like her. The reality is that you are further from having a relationship with her than with a stranger. You currently have a negative score with her. She is actually one of your worst options. There is no such thing as "the one" - there are plenty of eligible women. It isn't working with this one woman, so move on. When you get your whole life, behaviour, body language etc. sorted out then they will come flocking to you. Maybe this girl will too.
Bad Scenario: The girl might be stringing you along. She has emotional and physical needs, and you are fulfilling her emotional ones. You make her feel good about herself as she is constantly reminded that she is attractive. A dominant male may not show her the attention she wants but still give her sex to fulfill her physical needs. A textbook example is a girl with a douchebag for a boyfriend who really turns her on and she always ends up sleeping with him, while in the background there is the nice guy who listens to all of her problems. She likes the nice guy but looks down on him. She'd like to marry a guy like him, but only at a later stage in her life. He is in love with her, though. A girl might flirt with you, making you think you have a chance with her when you don't because she loves the attention. If she has put you in the friend zone then she should not be flirting with you. Make sure you are not contributing a significant amount more to the friendship than her - that makes you a pushover.
Better Scenario: She may be genuinely only interested in only being your friend, and upset that she cant have a male guy friend. Attractive girls have problems with lots of guys "falling in love" with them. They want a male friend at the same level as them who doesn't not swoon over them. It's nice having friends of the opposite sex.
If she isn't selfishly stringing you along then you will remain friends. She will have new found respect for you. She will care about you more and value your time more. She will start giving more to the friendship than before. Everyone will be happier. She may become attracted to you over time. If you allow a relationship to happen then do not allow yourself to revert back to your previous beta male mental state.
If she was just using you to fulfil her emotional needs and doesn't care about you that much then she will react in one of these ways:
Girls want what they cannot have. When you are disinterested in them they will be more interested in you. One thing you can do is friend zone them, and then when you are seen as unobtainable to them (though this trick only works if you are mostly an alpha male).
Much of this is based on "Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking" in "How to win friends and influence people, written by Dale Carnegie and published in 1937 (he hit the nail on its head immediately, as it is still in book stores everywhere today). I've included some extra things which he missed out though.
"Win friends and influence people" 's techniques of persuasion
Bonus techniques
Example
When I posted a link on "How to win friends and influence people" it was critically attacked by some as manipulative.
There is a difference between persuasion and manipulation. With persuasion your motives are clear - you want something and the other person knows what. Manipulation is using persuasive techniques to get something you want but keeping your motives hidden.
If you are a true high value alpha male then you should never need to manipulate others.